Another week, another lapsed posting schedule. I swear I started this Monday, but somehow it's nearly the weekend and I haven't gotten past the first sentence. In other news, I just got hugely busy and hit a major setback in my work this week (so too busy/depressed to post). In slightly more upbeat news, I'm also getting ready to go to the Pitchfork Music Festival in Chicago this weekend! Two of my absolute favorite bands, Built to Spill (whose song, you might remember, the Mister and I had our first dance to) and the National, are headlining and I am so excited.

Oh, but yes. This blog. Here's another question from A. at Accordions and Lace:


Why New Orleans?


Way back in the day, I also posted about this for that one syndicated blog, but that version is pretty white-washed. In that post, I talked about how much I loved New Orleans' cultural "diversity" [i hate multiculturalist lingo!], the food, its proximity to my immediate family, the cost, etc. But let's be real.

We picked New Orleans because
1. it was the easiest way to cut down the guest list under the pretense of it being a 'destination wedding'
2. it was the queerest, brownest city in the South that I would ever want my friends to come visit, or that I would want to be in for a week-long period of time

Long story short, because most of you have heard this or maybe inferred it by now but here it goes. Picking a location for the wedding was a nightmare. Absolute nightmare. It may be "traditional" to have a wedding in the bride's hometown but that wasn't in the cards for many reasons. The first is that I moved around so much as a kid that I don't have a proper "hometown." The town I went to high school in, and where my immediate family still lives, is in the South. Just thinking about that place makes me cringe. It's touristy, heavily militarized, extremely racially segregated and homophobic, 99% Republican and Evangelical/Conservative Christian and just... no. No way in hell would I get married there or even want to ask anyone I remotely care about to spend money to get there.

The most obvious choice would've been New York. It's where the Mister and I met, where we lived and still think of as 'home' (California is an extended sojourn), and all our best friends are there. But New York was out for the most obvious reason: it's just too damn expensive. Our budget-saving and ideal plan had we tried to do it back east was this: we would've had a City Hall reception/private elopement, and followed up with a small restaurant reception at Locanda Vini e Olii, the amazing Italian restaurant in Brooklyn where the Mister proposed to me. Biggest deal-breaker: my family alone would take up the entire place, and I've said before that a wedding that small would just not be an option (it's a privilege to be that independent, I think). I still dream sometimes of that wedding that wasn't.

What about California? It would've been the least difficult to plan on my end of things, since it would've been all local planning. But...no. No family on this coast, which was cost-prohibitive for them, SoCal itself is a huge wedding factory and grossly overpriced, and no. Biggest deal-breaker: Having it in California would've meant inviting a lot of people out of social obligation (work and school contacts, some extended family I'm not at all close with) and that's bullshit. If we had done it in SoCal, it probably would have been: ceremony at our super-progressive Episcopal church, with a small reception in Balboa Park right across the street or at the lovely Darlington House in La Jolla. I don't dream about that wedding too much, since I still live in CA and see these places all the time (absence makes the heart grow fonder).

When the Mister and I were thinking about our priorities, what we wanted if we were going to do this whole public-commitment ceremony thing, New Orleans just made more and more sense. It was close to my family. It was full of people of color. We did our best to support local businesses, so necessary especially after Katrina. We did what we could to promote the city to our family and friends. We did Habitat for Humanity. We got married in a church we searched far and wide for-- an Episcopal church with an affirming parish, that was based in the local community, and worked actively for social justice. We had a simple reception with amazing food, booze, and music.

As we talked and talked and narrowed down what was most important to us, the Mister and I came to the conclusion that the wedding only could have happened in New Orleans. And it did. And it was pretty awesome.

It must be the summer, but I've really not been in the mood to blog or even read blogs for the past two weeks. I mean, I open up my Google Reader, look at the growing number of unread blog posts from you all, and have to close the window because it's too overwhelming. I swear I miss you and your blogs but work is crazy and summer beckons...

Even so, I know that the show must go on. And actually, I'm trying to work up my will to blog, by reminding myself that it will be much more exciting to blog now that wedding recaps are over (I'll be posting up our afterparty recap soon, but.. besides that, recaps are done). A huge part of my hesitance to blog is that I've been over weddings for a while, actually, or at least the aesthetic stuff. Reading about dresses and venues and DJs (and, gasp, even photographers and food!) just makes my eyes glaze over. I *am* still interested in thinking about the other stuff, the important things that come during wedding planning and even more so during the course of marriage and... life. The blogs I still read and love are those that keep the bigger picture in mind, even as they do talk about all the fluffy stuff too* (hello, Bride in Exile and Invisiblyrose!). I've been boring myself to tears writing about all this fluffy shit, so I think it's high time I change the pace around here.

To start my new blog regime, I think I'll answer a question sent to me by A. from Accordions and Lace. It's a 5 question meme that's been going around, and A. sent me some very introspective questions. They're a bit heavy, so it might take me a while to get through them all, but here's one at least.


How did you meet your mister, and how did you know he was the one?

I wish the Mister and I had some romantic story, but it was a little bit lame, actually. I blogged about it way back in May '08, before most of you began reading this blog, probably, but we met through an online dating site. To be frank (and this is something I didn't reveal on the original post, because it was an intro post for eHarmonyBee and I wanted to devote a separate post to 'come out' to the readers)-- I wasn't trying to seriously date at all. Moreover, I wasn't trying to date a man at all, either. I had had very little interest in dating men for over a year prior to meeting the Mister. Hooking up with them casually, sure, but was definitely not looking for a long-term partner at all. You heard me right-- the mister was supposed to be a fling. A momentary distraction until I met a nice lady to spend some time with.

Second confession? I don't know if the Mister is "the one." Let me rephrase: I don't necessarily believe that there is only one person in the entire world that we were meant to 'find' or that is the 'perfect catch.' I believe that there are many people out there who could make wonderful partners, that could be the ones I could raise a family with, that could hold my hand with me as I get old. What I do think, however, is that my/your/our partners come into our lives at just the right time, and that things just work out for whatever reason. Because you're at similar places, emotionally, financially, physically, etc. Because you're working towards similar goals and dreams. Because s/he's a rock in a time of need. For whatever reason, things just 'lined up' between me and the Mister. Maybe one day they won't, and we'll have to reassess from there. Color me cynical, but as the child of twice-divorced parents, I have no illusions that we will be together forever and ever. I hope we are, and will work my hardest to keep it that way, but I'm also aware of the possibility that perhaps one day he will find another "one," and that so will I. But for now, and hopefully for a long time after right now, he'll be the guy for me.

All that being said, I can't imagine life without the Mister in it. Actually, I am getting a taste of it right now, because we're apart for 8 weeks as I go through this summer program, and it blows. Being apart these past four weeks just reminds me how wonderful and fulfilling the life and home we've built together has been, and that I can't fully enjoy myself anywhere that he's not. He's coming to visit this weekend for a short 36 hours and I am so excited to see him again!

Whew, that was tiring. Be back soon-ish!


* this post by A., for example, is just about perfect. I agree with every.single.word.

Hello, friends. Looks like time is getting away from me again, and I don't like it one bit! The title of the post roughly translates into "wait a minute" in Tagalog, and even just a moment's rest would be appreciated.

In short: I'm in the Midwest for eight weeks doing an intensive language program for personal/professional development. I'm at the start of week 3 already and it's been ever-increasingly challenging to balance out work, school, and personal time. It's even harder because the Mister (and our kitties!) are still back on the west coast, and I'm here by my lonesome. I'm making some great friends out here, but it's not home without the heart, right?

Anyways, that's all to say... I'll be back, soon. I know I owe some of you outstanding emails (I've gotten a spate of questions about planning lately and I do plan on posting publicly about the questions or emailing you back personally, I swear!). I need to finish the very last wedding recap post. Plus there were a few other things I wanted to put out there before this blog transitions into... something (I don't know what else that something would be yet).

In the meantime, maybe check out my wishlists on Wishpot (I'm one of their newest Wedding Experts!), add me as your Twitter friend, or read up on my food blog? In case you miss me, that is ;)

I'm hoping to get a post up here this week. Wish me luck!

xo
Sweet T

Happy 6 Months of Married Life, Mister! Here's to... forever.

We danced, we drank, and we danced some more. And just when it seemed like the party was getting started, our lovely DOC was handing me a drink in a plastic cup, a red umbrella, and was ushering me out the door. Now, before you get the idea that she was unceremoniously kicking us out of the venue (like some of our guests did at first!), let's take a look at what was waiting just outside the Wax:





That's right, y'all. We had ourselves a marching band! Algiers Brass Band, to be exact. What, you think we'd leave our guests to wander back to their hotels, alone and very possibly inebriated? Hell no! We had to take them home in style!









The New Orleans tradition of the second line is simply amazing, and the Mister and I had to work really hard not to spill the beans before the wedding about our secret plan. I don't think that I even told our bridal party until the day of the wedding about it. I think they all liked the surprise, don't you?














When we arrived in front of the Monteleone, the Mister and I got our dance on again. I even got down with the band leader, because why not?












With the band still playing and our guests cheering us on, I thought it was the right time for the Mister and me to make our big exit. How could we possibly top such a fantastic send-off? I've never felt more loved and I couldn't love my new husband, family, and friends more than I did right at that perfect moment.












At the end of the night, I just remember thinking about how perfect everything about the entire day was. Now, almost six months later, I still feel exactly the same. Were things entirely hitch-free? Of course not. Did it matter one bit? No stinking way. Sure, the flowers weren't exactly what I wanted, and, yes, our ceremony was an incense-fest. It didn't matter then, it doesn't matter now. On my wedding day I was present, I was happy, and it was a really beautiful thing to celebrate getting married to my best friend in the world with the people I care about most right there with us. For lack of a better phrase, it was pretty damn sweet.

And, HELLO, second line parade! If that's not awesome, nothing is.

Second-line parade from Sweet T on Vimeo.

Dear engaged readers friends, I really hope that your wedding day is as great as mine was. In fact I know it will be, if you just keep your eye on the prize. That means, on your wedding day, don't freak out about flower arrangements and Gocco projects; focus instead on your partner, your family, and your friends! Please remember that you're there to celebrate a union, your union, not to win a Martha Stewart decorating contest. If you remember that, you're guaranteed a wonderful day. Really.



Well it looks like we've reached the end of the story, folks. Nothing left to see here. Unless you're into mechanical bulls and karaoke, that is! If so, you might want to stick around a little bit longer...

[zoeica images is a rock star with the camera.]